I’m probably going to get slammed for this one. Here’s the thing: I don’t get Stone Temple Pilots. I never did. Here’s a band that rode the coattails of grunge into 17.5 million album sales (and counting). A band that’s probably canceled more tour dates for rehab and court dates than it’s actually played. But the forthcoming STP reunion is all over the news. So, what’s the big deal?

I know, I know - they RAWK!!! So, at least, I’m told. Apparently, all you need to rock is a decent drummer, a guy who owns a guitar and a distortion pedal, a bass player of some kind, and a guy who thinks he’s got something to say just because he’s done a lot of heroin.

Oh - and you need amps that go to eleven.

Here’s a prediction: the forthcoming tour and album will disappoint, even by the low standards these guys have set for themselves. The tour is as likely as not to be cut down from 65 stops to 30 or so - when Scott Weiland gets back on the road, he’ll probably get back on the junk (if he isn’t already). And if he’s not? There’s nothing worse than a cleaned-up rocker trying to use the music to teach us all a lesson that was already self-evident.

Also, these guys are on the wrong side of 40. Combine that with Weiland’s penchant for performing shirtless, and you’ve got a developing problem. If history has taught us anything, it’s that drug-addled and shirt-challenged rockers don’t age well.

As for the new album, remember the last one? Not that Weiland doesn’t make a great flamenco dancer… but guys, come on. Do better.

The album will reportedly try to recapture their early ’90s sound (circa 1992’s Core). You know what they say: there’s nothing like trying to recapture your youth to make you seem fresh and relevant.

UPDATE

Upon reflection, it’s become clear that this article is a failure. It’s basically a hastily-produced, lazy polemic, and I failed to support my points effectively.

On STP: I’m still not impressed. In all fairness, I’ll say this - they have the basic musical competency you would expect of a group of people who make their living playing music. They’re not a bunch of rank amateurs up there, though I will say that Weiland appears to have trouble staying on pitch when performing live. Their music is basically commercially oriented, and grew more so with time. In a related point, it was never particularly innovative: similar (and more conceptually interesting) things were already going on elsewhere.

By way of an in-depth example, let’s look at the Pearl Jam comparison (Pearl Jam strikes me as the most similar to STP of the bands in question). Yes, Pearl Jam became an officially active musical entity in 1990, while STP’s official date of inception was 1989. However, the members of Pearl Jam were gigging together as early as 1984, playing music that very clearly informed Pearl Jam’s work (Green River, Mother Love Bone, etc.), while those of STP could only say the same starting around 1987. Ultimately, Pearl Jam released Ten a good year before STP released Core. Additionally, Ten did better commercially (12x Platinum) than Core (8x Platinum), and was better-received critically.

If STP did anything, it was to distill and simplify things that had already been done elsewhere into something more easily digestable. No doubt the things that bother me about the band matter little to many others. If STP’s music does it for you, that’s great - but I think it’s hard to argue that they particularly distinguished themselves creatively, or in terms of skill. That, to me, is the definition of mediocrity.

As for the upcoming reunion and album: if it follows in the footsteps of Shangri-La De Da, they’re in trouble: that album is their poppiest by far, and didn’t do very well at all commercially or critically. Meanwhile, if they return to a Core or Purple style, how much better will that be? Rock has moved on. Their only hope is to innovate, which I just don’t see in the cards judging from their track record thus far. A reunion will likely be a feel-good moment of nostalgia for established fans, but seems unlikely to impact the musical landscape.

Now, back to the “What’s the Big Deal?” series. The original concept was to inspire discussion about and/or deflate some of the hype surrounding current events in the music industry. I have clearly failed in that mission thus far, due in no small part to my own haste to publish. That was an absolute breakdown on my part, and won’t happen again. To those of you who took issue with my writing style here, thanks for calling me on it.

[see also]

Cross-posted to Newsvine.com.

Read more articles from the “What’s the Big Deal?” series.

© 2008 Evan Mix for Listen In. Some rights reserved.

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